Mail Call

Check out all the wonderful goodies I received in my mailbox today!


My Bent Objects Christmas cards arrived...

Yes, it IS awesome! If you don't know what Bent Objects is all about, you really should.

Then this unexpected little gem....

Supa fancy? Moi? I blush!

That's a long trip....

...but well worth it! Thanks for totally making my day, Leigh!

Finally, this arrived.....

The makeup samples I have been waiting for from Alima Pure. Ladies, this shiz it the bomb! I've tried those other mineral makeups and was NOT impressed. But this stuff is very light and extremely natural looking, provides just the right amount of coverage and, most importantly, does not make me breakout. Score!

The mail is rarely this fun, I totally hit the jackpot today!

Grace In Small Things - Part 12

I've neglected this for far too long, but received some MAJOR blessings the past couple days that have prompted me to revisit my list of things that have graced me today...

1. My sister Amy. She is my best friend, my family and my everything. Recent events have reminded me just how much I love and treasure her and how terribly lost I'd be without her.

2. My brother-in-law David. He loves my sister and takes care of her, for which I am extremely grateful.

3. My nephew William. He's perfect. And he has changed my life forever and in ways he'll probably never know.

4. My husband Nick. His unconditional love and dedication is seen every day and he will always rise to the occasion when friends and family need him. I'm so grateful to wake up next to such a wonderful man every day. He's also incredibly good at surprises and keeping secrets! :)

5. My surprise today. How wonderfully pleasant! I'm very grateful for this presence right now.

After an eventful couple of days, and a rather emotional week, I am breathing much easier and feeling much peace. I am grateful for new friends and new discoveries, family, and for all in my life that is good. Which is much.

The Pioneer Woman Meets Salt Lake City...and Me!

Last Wednesday night Ree Drummond, (aka )The Pioneer Woman, was in Salt Lake City on her first ever book tour for her very own cookbook: The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Recipes From An Accidental Country Girl. That's the official title, anyway. I call it my bible. I sleep with it under my pillow and pray with it every night.

Okay, not really. But perhaps I should back up a bit....

Ree Drummond is my absolute idol. I came across her blog just over a year ago and I've been following her ever since. I was instantly smitten. Her recipes are nothing short of outstanding and her photography is absolutely stunning. She writes simply and from the heart about life as a wife and a mother, and life on the ranch she calls home. She graciously shares all of her knowledge, tips and tricks on cooking and photography and persists that if she can do it, so can anyone else. I have learned so much from her about so many things. She is really everything I want to be and I look up to her immensely. So when I heard she was coming to town for a book signing, I knew I simply had to meet her!

My dear friend Willow is also a huge fan, so we decided to make it a date. She was signing at the Kings English Bookshop, first giving a small talk and a Q&A at the gallery next door. The doors weren't opening until 6:30, so we figured arriving about an hour and a half early would be more than sufficient to give us time to grab a bite to eat and get in line. How popular could she be?

Oh. Very popular, it seems. Forget dinner, we got right in this line that was wrapping around the block! There was a Starbucks right there so my dinner consisted of a slice of coffee cake and an iced chai latte, which I ate while standing in line. But really, I didn't care...I was going to meet The Pioneer Woman. Small price to pay for a good spot in line.


We also ran into my darling friend Bekah, also a huge fan. I love running into friends, always a pleasant surprise. Bekah is one of the most creative gals I know...if you haven't already, you should be checking out her Etsy store. Very fun. Christmas is coming, folks!

Anyway, when we all filed in, it was becoming clear just how popular she really is....

What a turnout! We estimated that there were easily 200+ people there. I think I counted five boys.

When Ree finally appeared, the crowd went nuts. It was neat to be in a room full of people who have all been brought together by this amazing woman. She talked for a few minutes, and did some Q&A. She even A'd one of my Q's!

And she even did her Ethyl Merman impression.

Afterward, we made our way over to the bookshop for the signing. We had been sorted into groups earlier and Bekah, Willow and I were in the fourth group. It was quite a long wait, but we had fun chatting and winding our way through the narrow bookshop and looking at all the unique books that are characteristic of The Kings English.


Finally, we made it to Ree. She is so adorable in person, and very gracious. She said 'hello' and 'how are you' with a huge smile, then paid me a lovely compliment about how pretty I looked in my scarf. I have no recollection from that point on, as I think I probably blacked out from the excitement.

Eventually I came to and was able to capture my friends having their moments with Ree as well...



And then it was over. An unforgettable night! The three of us giddily headed out of the bookshop and back to our cars, reminiscing about our meeting with The Pioneer Woman.

On Turning 30

So last weekend I turned 30. 30! Can you believe it? The idea that I've been alive for 30 years is somewhat mind-blowing. 30 years is a long time, even though it really isn't.

I have never been one to put much stock in numerical age. Jack Benny was once quoted as saying "Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Too right. The truth is, I don't mind. Oddly, I sort of feel younger than ever at this point. Suffice it to say, 30 is not going to be one of those "hard" birthdays for me. Though I felt I'd be wasting a perfectly good excuse if I didn't buy a shitload of booze and get wasted. Hey, the last drink I had was a good four years ago in Las Vegas. I'm fairly certain I was over due.

I'm not big on celebrating my birthday much, mostly because I don't care to be the center of attention. We usually just group my birthday in with the rest of the October birthdays in the family (there are two others) and that's good enough for me. But hey, 30 is a big milestone. I've come a long way in life and made it through some pretty big trials and I figured this year was a good one for celebration. And by celebration, I meant drinking. And eating. And partying it up with my nearest and dearest. Really, over indulgence in every way, shape and form.

On Friday my sister Amy and nephew William treated me to a lovely lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. I love the Cheesecake Factory! Talk about the perfect place to over indulge. If I thought it prudent at 11am, I probably would have started boozing it up right then. Instead, I chose to intoxicate myself with flavorful iced teas, oat-crusted rye bread with far too much creamy butter,

this amazing shepherds pie,

and, of course, cheesecake.

This, my friends, is an orgasmic combination of two of my most loved confections: red velvet cake and cheesecake, covered in a cream cheese frosting and white chocolate shavings. To. Die. For. I almost did, too. Between the delicious food, the dessert and the always wonderful company of two of my favorite people in the entire world, it was one of the most enjoyable birthdays I can remember.

Thanks, Amy! Love ya, sis!

In contrast to my usual tradition, I also decided to throw a party. For once I wanted to gather my closest family and friends together all in one place and celebrate. Since my birthday falls just before Halloween, I opted for a costume party. I can't remember the last time I dressed up for Halloween. Most years I just throw on a witch hat while wearing my pajamas to answer the door to Trick-or-Treaters. I don't mind, but this year I wanted to go the extra mile. Something fun and humorous, yet easily recognizable. I went through countless costume ideas before finally settling on.....

...Amy Winehouse.

She was perfect! Totally outrageous and very distinctive. And it was such a fun costume to wear, from the wig down to my rub-on tattoos.

For me, one of the best parts of Halloween is seeing the fun, humor and creativity that is put into the costumes. It's also what I love about my friends and family. They're an amazing group of fun and creative people and I took enormous pleasure in ringing in my 30th year of life with them.

After a rough few years of distressing issues with my health, it felt indescribably good to let my guard down and let go of inhibition and just have fun. That night, I didn't have a care in the world. Forget my physical limitations, forget work and to hell with MS. We ate too much and drank even more. We sang and danced along to Michael Jackson, Peter Murphy, Oingo Boingo...even Beyonce'!

I caught up with friends old and new, getting a chance to chat with those I don't see as often as I'd like. I received some very lovely cards with some lovely things written inside. I'm a big fan of the greeting card, especially when one takes the time to write something heart-felt inside. I keep all my cards, I have shoe-boxes full of them. The ones I received for this birthday are all still up on my fridge, a daily reminder of what amazing individuals I have in my life. I kinda don't ever want to take them down.

It was a really fantastic birthday this year. Better than I could have expected. I thank all my friends and family (you know who you are) who made a special effort to make this event what it was...terrific! You guys are the best. I love you!


I feel as if a new page has been turned over in the book of my life. I welcome my thirties with open arms and look forward to the adventures this new chapter of my life will bring. Something tells me it's gonna be good....

One Crazy Summer

I've been meaning to write about my Summer...well, all Summer! But it was a hectic Summer indeed and every time I intended to sit down and write, something else came up. So even though we're already well into Fall, let's take a look back at the Summer of 2009...

In March I participated in this years MS Walk, my first time since getting diagnosed with the disease in 2007. My amazing friends and family joined me in fund raising for this worthy cause and together we raised nearly $400! My brother-in-law, who is quite the talented artist, also designed t-shirts for our team. The day of the walk was chilly and brisk, but we all bundled up and had a really great time walking through the streets of downtown Salt Lake. Even the Empire came out to support our cause! The three-mile walk was more of a physical challenge for me than I expected, but I was determined to finish. And I did. But I couldn't have done any of it without the support of my friends and family. Can't thank you guys enough!



July welcomed a new member of our family, Penny! She was an unexpected addition, but her unique spark and pizazz has filled our home with love and laughter, and a bit of chaos....there is never a dull moment with Penny around. But we couldn't picture our lives without her.

July also saw the return of Tori Amos to Salt Lake City to promote her latest album. As passionate devotees of Tori's music, my best friend Willow and I resurrected our tradition of attending the meet and greet as well as the show at Abravanell Hall. It was another one for the scrapbooks! We got to meet Tori again and her performance was nothing short of electrifying. I actually took the time to post some photos and details about this one because, well, it was so damn awesome.

September brought with it mine and Nick's 8th wedding anniversary. Eight years...I have no idea where the time has gone. I love this man more and more each day. He is my soul mate and we are so blessed to be able to share our lives together. We celebrated by having a lovely dinner at Bomby house restaurant. Indian food is amongst our favorite cuisines and the Bombay House is one of the best in Salt Lake. After dinner, we attended a performance by our favorite comedian, Jim Gaffigan, at Kingsbury Hall. He did not disappoint and we were laughing until we could barely breathe. Sharing great food, good conversation and lots of laughter...I can't think of a better way to celebrate our life together.

September also saw the return of the Utah State Fair. I enjoyed amazing luck last year when one of my photos took 4th place in the amateur category of the photography exhibit and was looking forward to another opportunity to submit some of my photos. I was honestly not expecting a win this year, but was looking forward to repeating the experience. As predicted, I didn't place. But I thoroughly enjoyed viewing the work of some amazing local photographers. I also took time this year to view some of the other competitive exhibits, including the culinary and stitching categories, and was quite enamored with what I saw. I plan to submit pieces into these two categories next year, as well as photography.


The last week of September, my dear friend Mindy moved to North Carolina. This is a good move for her, and I can't wait to hear about all her new adventures in this new chapter of her life. I knew I would miss her, but I don't think I realized how much I would miss her until she was gone. We still stay in touch, of course...she is only a phone call away. And honestly, with the goings on of these last few weeks, I probably wouldn't have even seen her anyway. But there is something about knowing that she is not here, and that I can no longer just drive over to her house or meet up for an impromptu coffee that has just left a little bit of a void. I guess 12 years of friendship will do that. Still, I am happy that she is following this path. And now I have an excuse to visit North Carolina!

This Summer also saw a bit of a decline in my health. Some new symptoms appeared as well as the exacerbation of some old ones. Heat is a known aggravator of Multiple Sclerosis, and I am hoping this rough spell was a result of the Summer temperatures and not an indication that I am progressing. I have noticed some improvement with the cooler temperatures, but a few of the new symptoms seem to be lingering and I am still struggling with some day to day activities.

I confess myself disappointed, as this onslaught of symptoms spoiled my plans for all my Summertime baking and crafting and outdoor excursions. I also took significantly fewer photos than I normally do and I am disappointed that I missed out on capturing some moments. But, such is life on the roller coaster ride that is MS...lots of ups and downs.

Overall, it was a decent Summer. I still enjoyed quite a bit of fun and we received a few blessings as well. I am VERY much looking forward to the remainder of Fall and my favorite holiday, Halloween! I see some serious fun on the horizon.

Kennecott Utah Copper

Took a trip out to the Kennecott Copper mine last weekend. Oddly enough this was my first visit, despite growing up in Utah and living only a 30-minute drive away. I wasn't really sure what to expect, but found it fairly impressive and surprisingly educational.

Kennecott is the largest copper mine in the world and has produced more copper than any mine in history (18.1 million tons to be exact). It is also one of the only man-made wonders that can be seen by the space shuttle astronauts as they pass over the United States.



I never really thought about all the vast uses of copper. It's used in a myriad of electronics such as phones, computers and televisions. It's also used in automobile and airplane construction, as well as in the construction of our homes in our pipes, electric wiring and fixtures. None of this was actually news to me, but I never really appreciated how much we depend upon copper in our day to day lives.

Copper is even used as birth control in modern-day IUD's and is currently used by 160 million women world wide. That's not actually on the tour, I learned that somewhere else...but just goes to show that copper really is everywhere!



Inside the visitors center are many artifacts and relics from the mine's history. This is a miners paycheck from 1917.


Carbide gas lamps were used to provide underground light in the mines.


General Electric manufactured locomotives that were used in the copper mines from 1928 until the last one was phased out in 1980.


This was probably my favorite part of the visitors center....the Victory Flag Society Correspondence Collection from 1943-1946. The Victory Flag Society provided World War II service persons with news from home and of friends stationed around the world.

This collection of letters from service people was stored in a copper time capsule and buried beneath a war memorial that stood at the entrance to the Old Bingham High School in Copperton, Utah. When the school was closed, the memorial was moved and Kennecott Copper took possesion of the letters. They were very captivating to read, as I noticed that a some of these correspondence letters turned into romantic love letters as these men and women wrote back and forth.


I also loved seeing these old World War II propaganda booklets for women. So classic.

Kennecott definitely has that "field trip" kind of feel about it, but I really enjoyed learning about our states greatest resource and also some of it's history. If you've never been, it's definitely worth checking out.

Sinful Attraction

Tori Amos was in town Monday night, a stop on her Sinful Attraction tour for her tenth studio album Abnormally Attracted To Sin. As passionate devotees of Tori's music, my best friend Willow and I took the day off work to attend the meet and greet and the performance at Abravanell Hall.

Willow and I have been fortunate enough to have met Tori a few times previously at meet and greets and a couple times backstage (with passes won on the radio). Still, we never pass up an opportunity to interact with this incredibly generous and compassionate artist. She is well aware of her influence and how her music has impacted so many of us emotionally and spiritually and is extremely open to connecting one-on-one with her fans.

So we sat around outside behind the Abravanell Hall building, chatting with other fans and getting sunburned in the shade-free 100 degree weather. The heat was ridiculous, but I really enjoyed hanging out with my best pal in this tradition that is going on nearly 10 years.

And, of course, it was so worth it!

The concert was, as always, nothing short of dazzling. Tori is passion personified; she is quite uninhibited on stage and radiates an intensely high energy. She played a generous set list, much of which was devoted to her latest album. She did, however, pull out a few rarer songs from way back and played several of my favorites including Bliss, Body and Soul, China and a gorgeously revamped version of Cooling.

(audio only..but well worth a listen!)

It's difficult to describe just how much Tori and her music means to me. I have never been so emotionally and spiritually moved by any other artist. She has a gift for taking the emotions of the human experience, particularly the feminine experience, and putting them movingly to song. I often find solace in her lyrics, a reminder that none of us is ever alone in that we all share common ground and experiences....as women and as human beings.

I first heard Tori's music as a high school sophomore. I had just met Willow, who introduced me to her music. Little did I know that was the beginning of a life-long friendship and the discovery of something so deeply inspiring. It was a bit of a slap-in-the-face, the revelation that hey, shit happens but you're not in this world alone, honey. At that time, it was a lesson that I very much needed to learn.



As time goes on and I continue to follow Tori's music, I still find wisdom and solace in her words and relate much of her music with my own experiences.



Additionally, her strong feminine representation and her ideal that, as women, we can all wield the power of the ancient goddesses within us is (at least to me) a refreshing breath of air in this sometimes stifling patriarchal society. We can be wives and mothers and still be sexy, strong and powerful.

And we can completely rock (leather pants optional).

Good Morning, Starshine

The Earth says Hello!

Bring That Face Over Here...

Charming

I love this charm necklace. It has a whimsical and somewhat vintage appeal. I decided to hang it from a tree to photograph it...it seemed perfectly at home there. Though it looks just as lovely hanging around my neck.

The Fourth

Enjoyed a very laid back and very relaxing Fourth of July this year. Spent the day out and about, just the two of us, running a few errands and having a nice lunch. It was nice to be out and just relish the lovely weather.

Later that evening we hung out on the deck...

...enjoyed some grilled burgers and some sweet summer cherries....

...and a few beers. Summer done right.

When it got dark, we wandered across the street to watch the neighbors little firework show...

Just a lovely day, spent with perfect company.

Hope everyone enjoyed the weekend!

Grace In Small Things - Part 11

A few things from today....

1. Sleeping in until noon. Pure. Bliss.

2. Making chili from scratch, and with dried beans. This is the first time I have ever used dried beans. The extra effort was worth it...it really did taste a whole lot better. Can't wait to enjoy the leftovers tomorrow!

3. Going out to run my errands in the downpour this afternoon wearing flip flops and a tank top and getting completely soaked. And totally loving it.

4. Trying a new cake recipe for the first time and having it go wrong. Upon discovering my disappointment, husband researches and finds the answer to the problem (high altitude!). We ate the cake and enjoyed it anyway.

5. Having an opportunity to use crayons, glue and glitter!

Simple Pleasures

Oh, hello lovelies!

I don't wear earrings much, but I really felt like donning a pair today. I love the somewhat vintage look of this pair. Sometimes it's fun to be a girl.

Grace In Small Things - Part 10

Yay, the rain is back!! I thoroughly enjoyed the storm today, brisk winds and all. And look what it left behind!

I saw quite a few rainbows on my drive home from work this evening, but this beauty was beaming right over our neighborhood. Rainbows are beautiful in their simplicity and they always cause the little girl in me to peek out and giggle in delight.

After the storm subsided, I went out on the deck to breath in the scent of the freshly fallen rain and to enjoy this beautiful sunset.

I went out in my pajamas and with bare feet. I kinda liked the feeling of the cold, wet wood under my feet. This is why I hate wearing shoes, folks. You completely miss out on all kinds of wonderful sensations on your toes.

The one thing that could have made this evening more enjoyable is a hot cup of tea. In fact, I think I'll go brew me a cup right now. It's never too late for a cup of tea.

When One Thing Leads To Another...

So there I was....Thursday. I was having my lunch, minding my own business when I received a text message from my sister, Amy:

"This kitten needs a home."

Accompanying the text was a photo of said kitten. Fluffy gray darling little thing.

It seems that a woman brought a litter of 8 week old kittens into the veterinary clinic where Amy works. She witnessed someone throwing them out of their truck, wrapped in a blanket, onto the side of the road and then driving off. Before this woman could get to the kittens to save them, two of them wandered out into the street and were hit by cars. But she grabbed the rest of the kittens and brought them to the clinic, where the staff was attempting to find homes for them.

It's been just over a month since we lost Lucy, and Nick and I had decided that we weren't going to get any more pets for a while. We are still so heart broken over our loss. We have Snoopy and Marbles and they are good, loving members of our family. So when I received the text from my sister, despite wanting to help, my first instinct was that it was way too soon.

On Friday Amy told me that they had found homes for all but one of the kittens, a gray female tabby. I was relieved and was feeling significantly less guilty. They'll find a home for that last one...I don't need to worry. So since I pass her clinic on the way home from work, I figured I'd stop in, bring her a coffee, and have a peek at the kitty. Just for fun. I had zero intentions of bringing her home with me.

Meet Penny.

That's right. I was a fool to think that I could look a homeless kitten in the face and not completely die from heart failure. Which I did. And before I knew it, I was on my way home with a new member of our family.

I must admit that on the way home, I was having second thoughts. In addition to wondering what the hell Nick was going to say, my heart still has not healed from the loss of Lucy and I felt like it was really too soon. This was very impulsive and I felt pangs of guilt that another kitty is taking Lucy's spot which, quite frankly, is a hole that can never be filled.

But I know that I am not replacing Lucy. She can never be replaced. And after spending the past two days with Penny, we are completely smitten. Her spunk and playfulness has already brought us lots of laughter and smiles. She follows us around and attacks our feet and all the kitty toys are out and being played with again.


She is so tiny...fits in the palms of both hands...but she has a lion-sized attitude. Her head is slightly big for her neck, which makes her more wobbly than the average kitten, and cuter to boot. And don't even get me started on her little mews. Precious.

She has already made herself more or less at home and is very keen on investigating every little inch. Marbles, as per usual, is at ease with this new presence. Snoopy on the other hand....well, he needs some time to think it over.

And Nick? Well, I'm not murdered if that is any indication. In fact, I think he's rather smitten with her as well.


So welcome to our family, Penny!

I look forward to the fun, love and mischief that is to come.

World Conquest Will Soon Be At Hand

Much to discuss. But there is so much time and so little to do!

Wait, strike that. Reverse it.

I shall make updates soon. In the meantime, here's a photo of Snoopy in which he is instructing me to do his evil bidding so that he may return to his very important task of napping.

One can't be expected to take over the world without a proper nap first.

Thy will be done, Master.

Gardening In The Rain

Well, it's still raining. And it's still chilly. It's starting to feel like Seattle around here, not at all typical June weather for Utah. I'm actually rather enjoying it. I'll admit I do miss the sunshine, but I find a window-rattling thunderstorm completely irresistible. And I don't mind not having to water the lawn, either!

Seeing as how this rain doesn't seem to have much intention of letting up any time soon (and I had some free time on my hands) I decided to get some gardening done. I grabbed a jacket, my iPod and my garden gloves and headed out in the rain.

The soil wasn't so much soil at this point as it was mud. It's been quite some time since I had an opportunity to play in the mud. I enjoyed it immensely.

I planted some bright orange and yellow French Marigolds. At least I think they're the French variety. Don't quote me on that. They're Marigolds, anyway.

I can't remember what these are called. But pretty, eh?

I wouldn't say that I have the greenest thumb, or much of an eye for design with plants. But I think our modest little garden looks just a bit brighter.

Poppet thinks so too.

We also have some lilies that are close to blooming. Look at all the buds! I'm fairly eager for these puppies to open up...then we'll really see some color!

It was lovely, and rather therapeutic, to sit out in the rain and work in the dirt while listening to my favorite music. By the time I was finished, I was soaked down to my underwear. I didn't mind one bit.

Grace In Small Things - Part 9: Fun In The Sun

Enjoyed some fun in the sun with Amy and William yesterday! We took a dip in the pool and then soaked up some rays.

I won't lie to you...I wanted to chomp just a little on that baby chub. I may have taken a nom or two when Mom wasn't looking. Shhh, don't tell!

Would you just look at that face? I believe this is William's version of "Blue Steel".

A sweet day spent with my sweetest peeps! Good talks with my sis, splashin' in the pool with my nephew and a Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sandwich from Subway.

Can life get any better? I submit that it can not!

Grace In Small Things - Part 8

I have neglected this project for far too long! I've been taking time to reflect these past few days and have been given a lot to think about. It's time to shift focus to the positive and to once again practice gratefulness each day. So without further ado:

Five things that graced me today:

1. Waking up and falling asleep next to the love of my life and the most wonderful man I know. I am grateful for this each and every day.

2. Sitting in the dark, next to an open window, listening to a glorious thunder storm and breathing in the scent of summer rain.

3. A new and unexpected friendship, which has taken a turn for the awesome. I'm talkin' about you, Miss TLK!

4. My new cupcake earrings (I bought them in the kids section at Claire's!)

5. Nick and I going out for a shake. I rode home with my legs hanging out the window and feeling the rain on my toes.

It's the little things that all add up to make a life. What has blessed your life today?

Kitties and Cakes and Keane, Oh My.

It's only been a week since we lost our Lucy Girl, but it already seems like a distant dream. There is just no way that could have possibly happened. We still see her lurking out of the corners of our eyes sometimes. A few mornings I've caught myself about to call for her in a sing-song voice, as I did every morning. Then I remember and my heart sinks. Oh. Damn it. We miss you, little lady.

We've been very appreciative for all the kind thoughts and cards that have come our way. We are grateful to have so many people in our lives that understand what it means to love an animal and the way they get into our hearts and never ever leave. You know who you are. And we thank you.

The past week has been a bit busy, which is probably for the best (had I nothing else to do, I would have spent my time moping about the house). The Amazing Willow and I are taking a cake decorating class, and this week we completed our first project.


Here it is, people...my first proper cake. You can tell because it says so! I couldn't think of anything else to write, so I just got straight to the point. Not too shabby for a first time, eh?

The class itself was $25, which sounded like a real bargain. It wasn't until after we enrolled that we learned we'd have to buy a slew of supplies and make all our own cakes and frosting at home and from scratch. So far, we're into this thing about $100.

My cake looks like it's worth $100, doesn't it?

Anyhow, between cake class and baking cake and making enough frosting to frost the pyramids in Egypt, I've been a busy bee.

Last night Willow and I went to the Keane concert. We had purchased the tickets quite a while ago but by the time this week rolled around I quite honestly wasn't feeling like going to a concert. But as it turns out, a great time was had and I think it was good for me to get out of the house and do something fun.

We almost became the victims of road rage, enjoyed a yummy dinner, hit a car in the parking lot and froze our asses off to meet rock stars. See? Fun!

It actually was a lot of fun (see here for full details). It'd been quite a while since I'd been to a concert and it was almost cathartic to stand shoulder to shoulder in a huge crowd, all singing as loud as we can along with the band. Keane is one of my all-time favorites.

The Sound of Silence

Our little Lucy Girl is gone.

She had developed lymphoma and it began to take her quickly over the last month. We allowed her to pass away peacefully last night, and we were by her side until the very end.

Lucy was an incredible presence in our lives. She carved out a piece of our souls and that's where she lived. She completely owned us. She had a little spark about her that always brought a smile to our faces whenever she was around. She was full of little quirks (like stealing my blush brushes and hiding them under pillows) and was always so sweet and charming. And she always knew when we needed her.

There was a time about three years ago when I was not yet diagnosed with my MS, and nobody knew what was going on. Vertigo had hit and I spent 8 straight hours on the bathroom floor, puking my guts out. I was miserable and scared. Lucy did not leave my side. She layed on the floor with me and I could feel her pawing at my arm while I puked, as if in comfort and worry.

Lucy also had a very strong connection to Nick. She had complete possession of his heart and her happiest place was wherever he was. She'd spend a lot of time with him in the computer room, lounging on the back of the chair or in his lap. She also loved to sprawl across his desk, usually taking up the entire mouse pad or otherwise hindering his room to work. But he never minded.

Lucy rarely slept on the bed while we were in it (I think we moved around too much for her liking), but when she did she was pressed up tightly against Nick. After Nick came home from his knee surgery, she slept with him every night for the first few weeks.

Lucy had a series of nicknames over the years. Lucy somehow changed into Lucy La La. Then I started calling her Lucy McGuilicutty (like from the I Love Lucy show). Sometimes Nick would come home and call out "Lucy, I'm home" in the Ricky Ricardo accent. Then somehow Lucy McGuilicutty changed into Magilla Gorilla (that old Hannah Barbara caratoon). The Gorilla Girl. Then Gorilla Snacks or sometimes just Snacks for short (honestly, I don't know how snacks got involved). But the one that always stuck, and will be forever and always, is Lucy Girl.

Lucy has left a giant hole in our hearts. The sound of her not being here is so very loud. And everywhere we look we see where she used to lay in sunbeams or her favorite spot to look out the window or where she clawed up the carpet on the corner of the stairs.

There are three food dishes still. Even though it kills me to look at them, I'm not yet ready to put one away.


We love you, Lucy. We will miss your spark and your sass and your sweet little touch. And while our hearts ache, we are comforted that you are at peace and are no longer suffering. Thank you for all that you gave us.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

A 43- minute musical film, written and directed (and music) by Joss Whedon! (You know, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Firefly guy!)

Starring Neil Patrick Harris! And probably some other people!

I know, I know...I'm probably like the last person to hear about this as apparently it was sort of an internet sensation. What can I say, sometimes I live in a bubble. But my bubble has been popped and I don't know about you, but nothing says comedy like a singing super-villain. A Neil Patrick Harris singing super-villain.




I also learned that, due to it's popularity, this video has been released on DVD with commentary by Joss Whedon. Brilliantly, the commentary was also done in musical form. It rhymes and everything.

Sweet.

Return From Wonderland

Wow, where have I been?

Down the proverbial rabbit hole.

March and April were not kind months. We had some pretty big changes, I faced a few new health issues and we received some grim news. Something about all this...be it the events themselves, the combination of so many things happening at once or just a roll of the dice...triggered some major anxiety. I found myself in a constant state of amplified stress and anxiety. This completely snowballed, building on itself and intensifying as the days went on.



The thing about anxiety is that it tends to amplify everything. Even the smallest tasks can seem like a mountain to climb and all logic, like Elvis, has left the building. I had no means within me to make even the simplest decision or to enjoy the things I love most without becoming completely overwhelmed; I hadn't picked up my camera or a spatula in weeks. Furthermore, the smallest changes (like a new haircut, for example) was enough to trigger a full-on panic attack.

The specifics of how this process gets triggered is still a mystery to me and I have yet to discover a solid pattern. But I do know that my predisposition to this disorder is entirely biological. It goes back generations.

But it is what it is. I could feel it coming on and attempted to prepare myself and my husband, but had no inkling as to how intense, or how drawn out, this episode was going to be. It's been physically and emotionally exhausting. I resorted to relying on a combination of Valium and energy drinks to make it through the day. I was listening to a lot of Morrissey.

Ultimately, some events resolved. Conversations were had. Tears were shed and a weight was lifted. And at last I can feel myself coming down off this bastard of an emotional roller coaster.

* * * * *

Today I went out to my garden and picked some Tulips. A little friend came too.

We laid on the grass together, relishing in the sun and the earth, and I heard a little voice say ever so quietly "ah...there you are!".

And I smiled.

Birthday Shout Out!

Happy Birthday to one of the most creative gals I know! I am loving your designs! You are really inspiring me to get off my butt and get back to stitching. Thank you for your friendship and support...it means the world!

I wish you a very lovely birthday, full of sunshine, good people
and hopefully some cake!!

Love,
Niki


P.S. If you haven't already, you should really check out her darling vinyl creations as well as her kick ass iPod and camera cases. As soon as Lent is over, I'm getting this one!

Caution: Massive Cuteness Ahead

Spent a lovely afternoon yesterday with my sister, Amy, and my nephew, William. He's nearly 4-months-old and is getting cuter and chubbier by the day.

OMG, Cute!


Oh boy...the pouty face. I hear ya, bud. Sometimes the world just isn't right.



But then mommy kisses your toes and all is well once more!


*sigh* If only life could stay this simple. Although no one has kissed my toes in a while. Maybe I should give it a try, see if it helps. This could be the hidden answer. Quick, somebody write the President!

Pay It Forward

This is how it works..... The first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive a hand made gift from me during this year. When and what will be a surprise. BUT, in order for you to leave a comment on my blog, you have to post this on your blog first (if you don't have a blog, your myspace or facebook works too). That means that sometime during this year you will send a gift to 3 people as well. Get it? Let's spread some happy!

I was lucky enough to be one of the first three commenters on my friend Angie's blog. Along with her kindness, thoughtfulness and brilliant sense of humor, Angie is also super creative. She makes some fabulous bead creations. Just look what I received from her as my Pay It Forward handmade gift:


Wow! I absolutely love it! The color combination is so bright and uplifting. The silver beads say "harmony" and "balance", two things I am currently focusing on improving in my life. And now I have a beautiful reminder to wear every day, not only of my intentions, but also of my friend!

Thank you again, Angie!

Sometimes I Amaze Myself

So during my morning routine on Wednesday I discovered that I was just about out of facial moisturizer.

Crap.

I also remembered that I made a commitment to not purchase anything during the season of Lent.

Double crap.

My skin is fairly dry in the Winter months and I really need a good moisturizer to avoid looking 20 years older than I actually am. I thought briefly about just bagging the whole thing, but then remembered that Lent is about sacrifice and I wasn't going to give up because of my vanity. I made a commitment and I was going to stick to it. So I turned to the internet to research recipes for home made facial moisturizer.

I found plenty of decent looking concoctions, but I didn't have all of the ingredients required to make them on hand. There were, however, two common components that kept popping up: aloe vera and grapeseed oil.

Upon further research, I found that both elements were highly moisturizing and had anti-bacterial and regenerative properties, which made them ideal for use on the face. I also found that these two ingredients were in the store-bought moisturizer I was already using. Best yet, I had both of them under my bathroom sink.

So I grabbed a small, clean jar and a kitchen spoon and started mixing, adding and stirring until the consistency felt about right. Here's what I ended up with:

4 parts aloe vera
2 parts grapeseed oil
2 drops of pure essential oil for fragrance (I used ylang ylang..it smells so fresh!)

I've been using this morning and night since Wednesday and, much to my surprise, I LOVE IT!! I think this concoction actually moisturizes better than my store-bought cream. It absorbs quickly, is non-irritating and I haven't seen one sign of a breakout.

It's also not bad on my hands and feet.

I have to admit, I'm a bit pleased with myself. I never thought I'd actually try making stuff like this at home, let alone put it on my face. But I stuck to my commitment and as a result, discovered something pretty neat (well, I think it's neat) and was able to find an effective solution without hitting the store!

Pretty In Pink

I rummaged through my cupboards last night looking for something to do. I found a cherry chip cake mix and two tubs of frosting, one cherry and one cream cheese. Perfect.

The cherry flavor frosting is very reminiscent of the old Bonne Bell cherry lip balm. I enjoyed it enormously.


Though really, you can't go wrong with classic cream cheese frosting. Delightful. Guess how many I ate...

When I wasn't baking and frosting and putting pink sprinkles on things, I spent the rest of my day purging. I sorted out all the clothes and make-up I'm not using, dividing it up between what will be donated and what is trash. I was amazed at how much stuff I have that I'm not even using! Half of it, I didn't even know where it came from and some of it still had the tags on. Nice.

As a result, I have six bags of clothing to go to the Road Home this week. There are plenty of women who could really use these clothes; it's wasted far too much time in my closet. I also went through our medicine and tossed loads of expired cold remedies.

Ahhh, I love purging! It's so therapeutic.

Lent

I haven't participated in the Christian tradition of Lent since...well, ever. Though I was baptized and raised a Roman Catholic, our participation only went far enough to satisfy our traditionally Catholic grandmother. And while I'm no longer an active participant in the Catholic church (organized religion just isn't my cup of tea), I still find value and significance in some of the traditional practices.

The period of Lent denotes the forty days preceding Easter, beginning on Ash Wednesday. It is a time of soul-searching and repentance, and of reflection, taking stock and sacrifice. During this period, we voluntarily give up (or fast from) something in which we find pleasure as a means of returning to simplicity and purity, and to identify with Christ's sufferings.

Now personally, I don't feel that one need be a religious individual to participate in this Spring ritual of renewal. I think we can all benefit from a bit of sacrifice and reflecting on our lives. In these times of war and economic strife, I feel it is particularly important to take stock and be mindful of our blessings and to center ourselves around what truly matters.

So after some thought, I'm choosing to give up buying. That is to say, the act of spending money and the acquisition of possessions. It is far too easy for me to buy something just because I want it....a new shirt I happen to pass by or a new purse, a new facial cleanser even though I already have some, just grabbing lunch out instead of eating the food in the house I've already purchased, etc...and I'm choosing to give up this self-indulgent behavior.

Until Easter Sunday, I shall not spend a penny on anything (save for groceries*) or acquire any new possessions. This includes any health and beauty aids, entertainment and cleaning supplies. I'll just need to make good use of what I already have, and employ some ingenuity and creativity. No more Jamba Juice, no more Starbucks Chai Frappuccino's (ouch!), and I can kiss that cute bag I saw at work yesterday goodbye.

My husband is not participating in this, however he is supportive of me even though it means not going out to the movies or dinner until Easter ("Lent goes until Easter? Yikes, I thought it was a week!"). He's a good man. And there are still plenty of ways for us to entertain ourselves without spending any money. Like I said...creativity!

Anyone else participating in Lent? What are you giving up?


*And yes, I realize Lent traditionally includes the practice of fasting. Given my health issues, however, I'm not sure that would be entirely wise. Though for the sake of Lent, I'm defining "groceries" as essential meal ingredients. So I'll be fasting from Oreo's, Goldfish crackers, chips and salsa and the like. It's gonna be tough!

Givin' Props To A Creative Gal

I'm linking to this post on my friend Bekah's blog not only because I want to win one of her fabulous creations (oh please pick me!), but because I want to spread the word about what a clever, creative and stylish gal she is!

She does some darling things with vinyl, which you can see at her Spell It Out Designs blog.

And you must must must check out her hand-made iPod/phone/camera cases at her Needle Pin Productions etsy store, which were recently featured on TV:

(Bekah's bit starts at the 5:00 minute mark)

I gotta get me one of those! Anyway, check her out!

Good News / Bad News

Good news first.

I finally spoke with my neurologist today. My MRI comparisons actually showed no significant changes in the progress of my disease. There are still some active lesions going on, but nothing new. This was great news! And it gave me the confirmation I needed to go forward with the treatment plan I was leaning towards.

I did a lot of research on the new medication she suggested for me. I read forty different patient experiences on this drug and spoke to five people I know personally who are currently taking it or have taken it. I got very little positive feedback. Most people experienced side effects that were bad enough to hinder daily function. Of those who chose to stay on the treatment, they had been in much worse shape prior to starting the treatment (some were struggling to walk) and this drug made a significant improvement in their ability to move and function. They felt the trade off on the side effects was worth it. And I would be inclined to agree.

However, I am not quite so progressed. While I definitely struggle with certain physical activities, the side effects, I feel, have the potential to put me in a worse state than I'm in now. I simply can't justify making myself feel worse and I want to feel as good as I can for as long as I can.

As such, Nick and I felt we wanted to give the treatment I was originally on another try. Our research found that the reactions I was having were not uncommon and they seemed to be innocuous. My doctor agreed that there was most likely no harm in giving it another go. If I have more problems, it's time to move on. But I feel it's worth a shot. So we're moving ahead. Whew!

Okay, now the bad news.

As I'd mentioned previously, I was torn over the decision to take a new job. The new job would mean some sacrifices, most notably a huge cut in pay. But it would get me off my feet and offered amazing benefits. After much agonizing, praying, and even a tarot reading, I decided I would accept the job were it offered to me. And it was looking good. They asked me in for an interview, after which they gave me a tour of the building and even the benefits packet which contained all the options available and their costs. They called all of my references over the last few days, and it was sounding like they were definitely interested. I was getting excited for this new venture.

Today, however, I received their form letter in my email explaining that they did not feel I was right for the position at this time. Bugger. Seemed odd to me that they would go to all that effort if I wasn't right for the job. But...the job market is saturated right now. There may very well have been someone else more qualified. Or more in need. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't awfully disappointed, but perhaps it just wasn't meant to be right now.

Still, all things considered, I'm feeling pretty good. My energy levels have been inexplicably up the last few weeks, which has also significantly buoyed my spirits. It's been a long time since I could adequately make it through the day at work, and I've been able to make it up the stairs without help once I get home. I've even had the energy to cook dinner. Talk about the little things. But it's been a long time since I've felt this good, and I'm going to appreciate every little bit.

Happy Valentines Day!

Me: "So what sounds good for lunch today, honey?"

Nick: "Brains."

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

Cake or Death

Decisions.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

I'm not a fan of decisions. Ask anyone who knows me, they'll tell you. I don't care to be put in charge of deciding anything. Lunch? You pick. Movie? Whatever tickles your fancy. Blue or pink? Why choose...get both.

So it should come as little surprise that I am having a dickens of a time with two major decisions that lay before me.

I'm still up in the air on the results of my recent MRI, which is subsequently delaying my treatment decision. Whether or not the results will sway my choice, I don't really know, but it probably couldn't hurt.

I don't like having to choose, let alone having to choose between the lesser of two, or in this case, three evils, which are as follows:

- Go back on my original treatment and hope that the sudden onslaught of reactions was a fluke or the result of a poor batch of medicine

- Try a new treatment that may stave off disability but at the cost of potentially rendering me non-functional due to the severe side effects

- Do nothing and hope for the best.

If only it could be a bit more cut and dry...



I also have a job interview coming up this Friday. It's with a highly acclaimed and stable company and offers much better hours, affordable benefits, and will be much less physically demanding. The one downside is that it's a significant cut in pay. Our medical expenses have already been much higher than last year, and we're only in February. And a new insurance brings with it fresh new deductibles. So taking this job would mean more expenses on less income. But it has the serious potential to stave off the loony bin much longer than my current job.

Maybe I could run some computer simulations...



One thing is clear, however. Eventually, I'll make a choice. And I know that, even if the outcome is not ideal, my head probably won't fall off. We'll find a way to manage.

But can't I just have cake?

A Bit of Poppet Wisdom

(image courtesy Slaughterhouse Studios)

In these troubled times, I think we should all be focusing on getting back to the basics.

Lisa Snellings is a truly talented and visionary artist. And I think Poppets are about the coolest things on the planet. Check them out!

And let them remind us to use the Golden Rule every day.

Maneki Neko

Maneki Neko literally translates to "Beckoning Cat", but is also known as "Welcoming Cat" or "Lucky Cat". This common Japanese sculpture is believed to bring luck to the owner.

This little dude was given to me by my dear friend Angie, to bring me luck and good health. Isn't she a gem? I'll take all the luck I can get! Thanks, friend!

The Power of Stupid

The following conversation took place during a phone call I received from a nurse at my neurologists office:

Nurse: I'm just calling to let you know we have the results of your MRI.

Me: Oh, good.

Nurse: It looks like there have been changes in the MS.

Me: I see. So, what exactly does that mean?

Nurse: Well. I don't exactly know.

Me: Uh...

Nurse: The thing is, you were supposed to take the copies of your previous scans Dr. Banks gave you to the imaging center so they could make a comparative evaluation.

Me: Um, no...I was not instructed to bring any copies of my previous scans nor did the imaging center ask for any. And Dr. Banks didn't give me the copies. They should still be in my chart.

Nurse: No, she said she gave them to you.

Me: No, we looked at them at my appointment last week. They're in my chart.

Nurse: Let me just....oh! Well look at that, they're right here. Huh. Well, Dr. Banks isn't back in the office until Monday, so I'll have to check with her and see what she wants to do and go from there. I'll call you back on Monday.


Yes, wonderful. Call me back on Monday. And thank you for calling today to give me absolutely NO useful information, but just enough to cause me worry. "Changes in the MS". What the fuck does that mean? Did she seriously not expect any follow up questions to that vague statement?

I am seriously losing my patience with the stupidity and the incompetence of these health care "professionals". Not only does my doctor not have the decency to deliver my test results in person, but she gives the assignment to an individual who hasn't been provided with adequate information and who isn't qualified to answer any of my questions. Genius!

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

An easy notion to forget, particularly when you've had a crap day before 10am. I won't go into the details, but let's just say I needed some cheering up. And fast.

The blokes of Monty Python are the very epitome of silliness and embody the idea that life is a bunch of shit, so let's make fun of it.

Yes. Lets!







And let's not forget this classic.

I feel better now, don't you?

Aw, Baby Photos!

As I've said before, I can't get enough of my little nephew. He's just getting to that stage where he's starting to smile a bit and become curious with the world.

Just look at this wee little smile.

He can't get enough of that hand. Looks tasty, no?

Whoa, kid packs a mean right hook. Put up your dukes!

Dude, are you guys seeing this? It's trippin' me out, man!

I don't know what he was looking at there, but all I'm looking at are those nomable cheeks. I want to chomp on them just a little!

Superbowl Sunday Coca-Cola Cupcakes!

So hey, it's Superbowl XI something something something! How shall I celebrate? With baking, of course!

I'm not a fan of football. I don't know the difference between a field goal and a touchdown, nor could I tell you one single rule of the game (apparently it's legal to bash other players in the face with your elbow, I saw some of that going on). But we were invited to a Superbowl party with some family, and I figured if they would be there then perhaps I could tolerate the ludicrous display of testosterone that is football. And it was an ideal excuse to whip out the flour and sugar and add some girliness to the day.

Now I love themes. I make Red Velvet cupcakes for Valentines, patriotic cupcakes for the Fourth of July, etc. But what on earth could I do for the Superbowl? Then I found this recipe for Cola cake from the fine people at Coca-Cola. Perfect.

Our family does enjoy their Coke, and I figured a dessert made with a beverage that can rust a nail was about as manly as I could bake. Not to mention Coke would probably be featured in every other commercial throughout the game. It seemed like a match made in heaven. Well, in my oven.


Aside from the typical sugar, flour, egg, butter, etc., the recipe also called for marshmallows and buttermilk, and for the Coke to be boiled with the butter (along with the cocoa) before adding to the dry ingredients. Huh. I believe this was to melt the marshmallows, but it still took a good 10 minutes of stirring before they all melted.

When it was all said and mixed, the batter tasted rather strange. Not bad, just different. But when they came out of the oven....


Boy, howdy! They weren't half bad! I chose to use prepared vanilla frosting, in lieu of the Cola frosting suggested in the recipe, purely as a time saver. Also, I just really like vanilla frosting and thought it would make a nice contrast with the dark cupcake and chocolate sprinkles. I do love sprinkles.

And people seemed to enjoy them. And, much to my own surprise, I kind of enjoyed the game. Kind of. I still can't say I care much for football, but I must admit that 100 yard run in the second quarter was pretty awesome.

So would I make these again? Probably. I definitely got some compliments on them. Though I would have liked to have had red cupcake papers, kind of like a Coke can. See what I mean about me and themes? I might also like to pipe the frosting on, rather than spread it. And maybe use some red sprinkles....I could go on and on.

Hope everyone had a great Sunday, whether you're a Steelers fan or not!

Walkin' The Suburbs

I am participating in the MS Walk this year! I've been wanting to do this for the last two years, but scheduling conflicts kept coming up. However, that won't be an issue this year and I'm really looking forward to raising some money for this cause and spending a fun day outdoors. (I did the Arthritis walk with my dear friend Mindy last year and had a great time).

The walk will be held in down town Salt Lake City (starting at the Gateway) on Saturday, April 11, 2009. You can view my personal event page here, where you can also sponsor me (my goal is to raise $150, but we can totally beat that, right?) and see the goofiest picture of me ever. (Incidentally, that picture was taken by my good friend's three-year-old son. I was brave enough to let him hold my camera for five minutes and he managed to snap that shot. Not bad!)

Also, if you are interested in joining me in the walk (please do!) you can register here as an individual, or contact me and we can form a team! 100% of dollars raised go directly to the MS Society of Utah to fund support programs, services and research.

Please join me in supporting this worthy cause.

And thank you!

I'm Not Afraid Of Buttons

Coraline is one of my favorite stories from author Neil Gaiman. Actually, it's one of my favorite stories, period. I'm quite looking forward to seeing the film adaptation.

This just made me smile.

Confucius Says...

I found an unopened fortune cookie in my purse today, from lunch I had earlier this week. I had forgotten I'd thrown it in there. Being a bit snacky, I cracked it open....

Wow. I really need to hear that. And I really hope it's true. I put the fortune back in my purse, for future reference. I ate the cookie.

Exsqueeze Me? Baking Powder?

I saw my neurologist today for a follow-up; it's been about eight weeks since halting my treatment due to some reactions. I was expecting her to tell me she was not concerned about these reactions and instruct me to resume my injections. I'm not exactly sure why I was expecting this. Perhaps I was just hoping for this. Alas, this was not the news I received.

She explained that she was concerned with these reactions, particularly the tightness in the chest and did not feel that it would be wise to resume this particular medication. She went on to say that given my increase in symptoms the past few months, she felt it was wise to get me back on a treatment with one of the other medications.

My heart sank. Since my diagnosis two years ago, I have been adamant that I was not interested in trying any of the other treatments available; their side effects seemed too risky and too much for me to cope with. And now I was hearing that I needed to get back on a treatment, and that these other drugs were my only options. I started to tear up a bit.

I felt like I had come so far and now I feel like I am back at the beginning again. It was a gut-wrenching choice to chose a treatment the first time around. I don't much fancy the idea of facing all that unknown again.

The neurologists treatment of choice at this point is an "interferon immunomodulator". Interferons are a family of small protein molecules that are produced by cells in response to viral infections. They work in a way that is not understood, which is pretty much all I can find about how this medication works. They don't know exactly how it works, it just does, and can reduce the number of MS attacks and slow the progression of the disease. Side effects include:

- Flu-like symptoms such as aches and pains, fever, chills, sweating, headache, fatigue and nausea. These tend to be worse at the start of treatment and improve with continued treatment.
- Injection site reactions such as pain, inflammation or abscess
- Pain in the muscles or joints
- Flushing
- Skin reactions such as rash or itching
- Diarrhoea
- Loss of appetite
- Difficulty in sleeping (insomnia)
- Depression
- Hair loss (alopecia)
- Disturbance in the components of the blood
- Heavy or irregular menstrual bleeding
- Dizziness
- Under or overactive thyroid
- Confusion
- Seizures (convulsions)
- Inflammation of the liver (hepatitis)

Sounds fun, no? Blood work is required every three months in order to monitor liver function. Swell.

I was also given a big booklet about this medication, full of photos of all the happy people who are "taking charge" and "feeling good about tomorrow". You know, completely unbiased information from the manufacturer. Give me a break.

I've been trying to tell myself for the past two months that I don't really need to be on a treatment. That really, my MS isn't that bad and I'm sure if I can just cut back my work a little and exercise more and eat better, I'll be fine. Really, there's no need for me to put myself through this. I say that to myself. Then I see Stuart Smalley pop into my head and tell me that "denial is not just a river in Egypt". Yeah. I know.

I also know that these side effects probably sound a lot worse than they really are. And that even though I'm coping (if only barely somedays) with the symptoms now, they are likely to just worsen over time. And studies show that getting on and staying on a treatment is the best defense against disability from this disease.

My neurologist also explained that of all of her patients on this particular medication, none of them have so far suffered any liver troubles. She acknowledged that liver problems do happen, but that because this is monitored so closely, any issues that arrise are typically reversable.

Yeah. I know all that. Still...I just don't want to fucking deal with this. But, this is my cycle. Right now I have to allow myself to just feel whatever it is that I feel. I just need to let the emotions flow and experience my fear and sadness and anxiety and whatever else. Eventually my resolve will kick in and I will do what I have to do. This disease is unrelenting, so I will be unrelenting too.

Damn...

Over 71, 400 jobs lost in one day.

My heart goes out to all the families this recession is affecting. I'm counting my blessings for sure. As much as I hate my soul-sucking job, at least I still have one.

Grace In Small Things - Part 7

My brain is just too fried to do any sort of actual writing today. Aside from a body that is behaving like an angsty teenager (my limbs are fighting me on each and every activity I ask them to join me in), I am recovering from a cold. I'm at the tail end of it, which means I'm feeling better, but I'm just really phlegmy. And it's a little obnoxious. So rather than attempt to beat any sort of thought pattern out of my brain, I'm going to continue with Grace In Small Things - The Video Edition!

1. Have I ever told you how much I love geeks? Well, I do. And the Big Bang Theory is a new favorite sitcom that showcases these fabulous creatures in all their hilarious glory.



2. Coraline is one of my all-time favorite stories from author Neil Gaiman and I'm delighted to see it coming to the big screen...in stop-motion no less! And 3D! Sweet.



3. Inkheart. Saw this movie this afternoon. Two thumbs up! I'm anxious to read the rest of the books in the series...



4. Poppets. They are so wee and cute! I wants one. Lisa Snellings is a truely gifted artist.



5. James Dyson. Seriously, I love this dude. Not only does he get my floors incredibly clean, but his designs are genius (and he has a wicked British accent). I tried one of these things today in a movie theatre restroom. It was ridiculously fun, and it totally worked!



It's the little things in life, ya know?

Sniff This

I was sitting at the front desk at work today when a customer approached. I recognized him immediately. He is a very nice, older gentleman and a long-time customer with whom we are all very familiar. I greeted him by name and asked how he was doing and what I could do for him. He explained he needed to reorder some contacts, so I proceeded to look up his records in the computer.

While I was typing away, he leaned over the desk and, with a slight swagger in his voice, said: "Boy, you smell really good. Don't mind if I just lean in and have another whiff.".

Why, yes...I DO mind as a matter of fact. Seriously, did this guy just smell me? Did he really just lean over the desk and ask if he could "have a whiff"? As if to confirm the uncomfortable reality of the situation, he followed up with: "Mmm, yeah...that is quite nice.".

Insert "Side Show Bob" shudder here.

So I know I've known this guy for ten some-odd years and we're all on a first name basis and everything, but I'm just not sure how he felt his comments were a) in any way appropriate and b) not creepy as shit.

Oddly enough, this is not the first event of it's kind. If I had a dollar for every man with an AARP card who made a creepy and/or innapropriate comment to me, I could finally make that trip to Europe. So what's this all about?

Perhaps these men are just trying to relive their youths in some feeble way, or maybe they just get a kick out of flirting with younger women. Conceivably, they are just plain dirty old bastards. Sorry, fellas...but it's gonna take a bit more than your senior citizen discount for Denny's Grand Slam breakfast and a tube of aspercreme to win me over. How about a time machine for starters?

In all reality, I'm not sincerely offended by any of these off-color gentlemen. Mostly I'm just baffled by their motivation and tastelessness. And I wonder what their wives would say if they were caught, for example, sniffing pretty young girls at the eye doctors office like a kindergartner sniffs glue.

Still, perhaps I should start keeping track. I'll put a dollar in a jar for every dirty old dude to cross my path and we'll see how soon I can get to Europe.

Grace In Small Things - Part 6

1. A lovely lunch at the Tea Grotto with a fabulous group of ladies! Good friends, amazing tea and hearty helpings of laughter.

2. Discovering the Doctor Who Magazine while perusing at Barnes And Noble. I'm so geeky, I bought it. It kinda made my day.

3. New episodes of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.

4. Finally getting the hang of the SR-201/I-80/I-15 interchanges. Makes getting downtown a snap.

5. This guy.

Grace In Small Things - Part 5

I am posting just this one thing today, because this takes up all 5 spots on the things that graced me today.

I know that Prop 8 passed over two months ago, but this is still an issue and it's one on which I have very strong convictions. I have found it difficult to put into words precisely how disgusted I am that Proposition 8 actually passed, but Keith Olbermann puts it brilliantly.

Quite frankly, I thought America was better than this. I thought we had moved passed this kind of discrimination. We just elected an African-American president for goodness sake! With all the hate and horribleness taking place in the world right now, shouldn't we be striving for peace and tolerance? America is supposed to be the greatest country in the world. What kind of example are we setting?

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Indeed.

If you're going to take the time to watch this, I ask only that you watch it all the way through and really LISTEN to what he is saying. I am open to all comments, but any containing hate or offensiveness will be deleted.

Grace In Small Things - Part 4

You know, I thought it was going to be a stretch to find time and things to write about once a week. Interestingly enough, however, I am finding myself graced with little things that make me happy each day. I think they've always been there, it's just now I'm actually taking the time to notice.

Today, for instance:

1. Having lunch and enjoying an afternoon with my sister. She's the neatest person I know.

2. Holding my little nephew. I love him so! And the top of his head smells good (seriously, go smell a baby's head...they smell amazing.)

3. Curry.

4. Connecting with an old friend and finding we have a pretty significant trait in common.

5. Nick giving me a Hershy's kiss, because he's sick and can't give me the real thing.

I can't wait to see what graces me tomorrow!

Grace In Small Things - Part 3

I'm feeling really blah these days. Just blah. And I'm not the only one. I think it's the whole January transitioning back to reality, dismal weather thing. It seems everyone is in the same gloomy boat. And if I had my way, we'd sail this melancholy ship out to the Caribbean somewhere and get drunk and play casino games and lounge on the deck.

If only that were possible.

But, I'm not going to let stupid January completely cloud me over. So in keeping with my objective (and because there is nothing else interesting to write about), here are five things that graced me today:

1. Wearing my new pink zip up hoodie (with sparkle embellishments).

2. My husband giving me a second, lingering glance as I left for work this morning (yes, I saw that!) and then, when I got home, remembering to tell me he thought I looked cute.

3. Sitting in my car during lunch and taking off my shoes. Bliss! I hate shoes.

4. Hearing a co-worker tell me that her husband thought I was "looking good" at the Christmas party and wondered what I had been doing to lose weight. God bless the man.

5. Hearing the new Morrissey single on the radio.