Return From Wonderland

Wow, where have I been?

Down the proverbial rabbit hole.

March and April were not kind months. We had some pretty big changes, I faced a few new health issues and we received some grim news. Something about all this...be it the events themselves, the combination of so many things happening at once or just a roll of the dice...triggered some major anxiety. I found myself in a constant state of amplified stress and anxiety. This completely snowballed, building on itself and intensifying as the days went on.



The thing about anxiety is that it tends to amplify everything. Even the smallest tasks can seem like a mountain to climb and all logic, like Elvis, has left the building. I had no means within me to make even the simplest decision or to enjoy the things I love most without becoming completely overwhelmed; I hadn't picked up my camera or a spatula in weeks. Furthermore, the smallest changes (like a new haircut, for example) was enough to trigger a full-on panic attack.

The specifics of how this process gets triggered is still a mystery to me and I have yet to discover a solid pattern. But I do know that my predisposition to this disorder is entirely biological. It goes back generations.

But it is what it is. I could feel it coming on and attempted to prepare myself and my husband, but had no inkling as to how intense, or how drawn out, this episode was going to be. It's been physically and emotionally exhausting. I resorted to relying on a combination of Valium and energy drinks to make it through the day. I was listening to a lot of Morrissey.

Ultimately, some events resolved. Conversations were had. Tears were shed and a weight was lifted. And at last I can feel myself coming down off this bastard of an emotional roller coaster.

* * * * *

Today I went out to my garden and picked some Tulips. A little friend came too.

We laid on the grass together, relishing in the sun and the earth, and I heard a little voice say ever so quietly "ah...there you are!".

And I smiled.

Arthritis Walk 2008

The 2008 Arthritis Walk to benefit the Arthritis Foundation kicked off at Wheeler Historic Farm this morning. Despite the unseasonal chill, there was a great turn out and over $16,000 raised to benefit arthritis support programs and research! Thanks to Nick, Lissa and Angie for their support and sponsorship of my walk today!

I walked in support of my dear friend Mindy, who is affected by rheumatic arthritis. Up until I decided to take part in this event, I didn't know much about arthritis. I knew it caused inflammation and pain in the joints, but all those Aleve commercials lead me to believe that it was relatively minor and a few OTC pain pills could get you back on the go. Not quite, it seems. In addition to affecting joints, it can also affect internal organs, skin and the eyes and is the number one cause if disability in America. What's more is that of the 46 million Americans living with arthritis, an estimated 294,000 (that's 1 in every 250) are children. It's been quite eye-opening.

Mr. Burns joined Mindy and me for our mile walk today, as did dozens of other awesome pups, and he even made some new friends. Check out this trifecta of sniffing and the delectable schnoz action on this mini Spuds McKenzie pup.






And take a gander at this little dude, named Bandit, who is missing his rear left leg. It's obvious, however, that hasn't slowed him down one bit. He's loaded with spunk and attitude and was enthusiastically dragging his owner all over the trails.


The walk through the grounds was very enjoyable. It's been years since I've visited Wheeler Farm and I'd forgotten how lush and beautiful it is. Our mile walk probably took twice as long as usual, because we were stopping along the way to take pictures of the landscape and some of the animals.


Little Cottonwood Creek























Moo.











Whoa, huge cock!









It was a fun day spent with a good friend for a good cause. I really learned a lot and gained a whole new perspective.