Walkin' The Suburbs

I am participating in the MS Walk this year! I've been wanting to do this for the last two years, but scheduling conflicts kept coming up. However, that won't be an issue this year and I'm really looking forward to raising some money for this cause and spending a fun day outdoors. (I did the Arthritis walk with my dear friend Mindy last year and had a great time).

The walk will be held in down town Salt Lake City (starting at the Gateway) on Saturday, April 11, 2009. You can view my personal event page here, where you can also sponsor me (my goal is to raise $150, but we can totally beat that, right?) and see the goofiest picture of me ever. (Incidentally, that picture was taken by my good friend's three-year-old son. I was brave enough to let him hold my camera for five minutes and he managed to snap that shot. Not bad!)

Also, if you are interested in joining me in the walk (please do!) you can register here as an individual, or contact me and we can form a team! 100% of dollars raised go directly to the MS Society of Utah to fund support programs, services and research.

Please join me in supporting this worthy cause.

And thank you!

I'm Not Afraid Of Buttons

Coraline is one of my favorite stories from author Neil Gaiman. Actually, it's one of my favorite stories, period. I'm quite looking forward to seeing the film adaptation.

This just made me smile.

Confucius Says...

I found an unopened fortune cookie in my purse today, from lunch I had earlier this week. I had forgotten I'd thrown it in there. Being a bit snacky, I cracked it open....

Wow. I really need to hear that. And I really hope it's true. I put the fortune back in my purse, for future reference. I ate the cookie.

Exsqueeze Me? Baking Powder?

I saw my neurologist today for a follow-up; it's been about eight weeks since halting my treatment due to some reactions. I was expecting her to tell me she was not concerned about these reactions and instruct me to resume my injections. I'm not exactly sure why I was expecting this. Perhaps I was just hoping for this. Alas, this was not the news I received.

She explained that she was concerned with these reactions, particularly the tightness in the chest and did not feel that it would be wise to resume this particular medication. She went on to say that given my increase in symptoms the past few months, she felt it was wise to get me back on a treatment with one of the other medications.

My heart sank. Since my diagnosis two years ago, I have been adamant that I was not interested in trying any of the other treatments available; their side effects seemed too risky and too much for me to cope with. And now I was hearing that I needed to get back on a treatment, and that these other drugs were my only options. I started to tear up a bit.

I felt like I had come so far and now I feel like I am back at the beginning again. It was a gut-wrenching choice to chose a treatment the first time around. I don't much fancy the idea of facing all that unknown again.

The neurologists treatment of choice at this point is an "interferon immunomodulator". Interferons are a family of small protein molecules that are produced by cells in response to viral infections. They work in a way that is not understood, which is pretty much all I can find about how this medication works. They don't know exactly how it works, it just does, and can reduce the number of MS attacks and slow the progression of the disease. Side effects include:

- Flu-like symptoms such as aches and pains, fever, chills, sweating, headache, fatigue and nausea. These tend to be worse at the start of treatment and improve with continued treatment.
- Injection site reactions such as pain, inflammation or abscess
- Pain in the muscles or joints
- Flushing
- Skin reactions such as rash or itching
- Diarrhoea
- Loss of appetite
- Difficulty in sleeping (insomnia)
- Depression
- Hair loss (alopecia)
- Disturbance in the components of the blood
- Heavy or irregular menstrual bleeding
- Dizziness
- Under or overactive thyroid
- Confusion
- Seizures (convulsions)
- Inflammation of the liver (hepatitis)

Sounds fun, no? Blood work is required every three months in order to monitor liver function. Swell.

I was also given a big booklet about this medication, full of photos of all the happy people who are "taking charge" and "feeling good about tomorrow". You know, completely unbiased information from the manufacturer. Give me a break.

I've been trying to tell myself for the past two months that I don't really need to be on a treatment. That really, my MS isn't that bad and I'm sure if I can just cut back my work a little and exercise more and eat better, I'll be fine. Really, there's no need for me to put myself through this. I say that to myself. Then I see Stuart Smalley pop into my head and tell me that "denial is not just a river in Egypt". Yeah. I know.

I also know that these side effects probably sound a lot worse than they really are. And that even though I'm coping (if only barely somedays) with the symptoms now, they are likely to just worsen over time. And studies show that getting on and staying on a treatment is the best defense against disability from this disease.

My neurologist also explained that of all of her patients on this particular medication, none of them have so far suffered any liver troubles. She acknowledged that liver problems do happen, but that because this is monitored so closely, any issues that arrise are typically reversable.

Yeah. I know all that. Still...I just don't want to fucking deal with this. But, this is my cycle. Right now I have to allow myself to just feel whatever it is that I feel. I just need to let the emotions flow and experience my fear and sadness and anxiety and whatever else. Eventually my resolve will kick in and I will do what I have to do. This disease is unrelenting, so I will be unrelenting too.

Damn...

Over 71, 400 jobs lost in one day.

My heart goes out to all the families this recession is affecting. I'm counting my blessings for sure. As much as I hate my soul-sucking job, at least I still have one.

Grace In Small Things - Part 7

My brain is just too fried to do any sort of actual writing today. Aside from a body that is behaving like an angsty teenager (my limbs are fighting me on each and every activity I ask them to join me in), I am recovering from a cold. I'm at the tail end of it, which means I'm feeling better, but I'm just really phlegmy. And it's a little obnoxious. So rather than attempt to beat any sort of thought pattern out of my brain, I'm going to continue with Grace In Small Things - The Video Edition!

1. Have I ever told you how much I love geeks? Well, I do. And the Big Bang Theory is a new favorite sitcom that showcases these fabulous creatures in all their hilarious glory.



2. Coraline is one of my all-time favorite stories from author Neil Gaiman and I'm delighted to see it coming to the big screen...in stop-motion no less! And 3D! Sweet.



3. Inkheart. Saw this movie this afternoon. Two thumbs up! I'm anxious to read the rest of the books in the series...



4. Poppets. They are so wee and cute! I wants one. Lisa Snellings is a truely gifted artist.



5. James Dyson. Seriously, I love this dude. Not only does he get my floors incredibly clean, but his designs are genius (and he has a wicked British accent). I tried one of these things today in a movie theatre restroom. It was ridiculously fun, and it totally worked!



It's the little things in life, ya know?

Sniff This

I was sitting at the front desk at work today when a customer approached. I recognized him immediately. He is a very nice, older gentleman and a long-time customer with whom we are all very familiar. I greeted him by name and asked how he was doing and what I could do for him. He explained he needed to reorder some contacts, so I proceeded to look up his records in the computer.

While I was typing away, he leaned over the desk and, with a slight swagger in his voice, said: "Boy, you smell really good. Don't mind if I just lean in and have another whiff.".

Why, yes...I DO mind as a matter of fact. Seriously, did this guy just smell me? Did he really just lean over the desk and ask if he could "have a whiff"? As if to confirm the uncomfortable reality of the situation, he followed up with: "Mmm, yeah...that is quite nice.".

Insert "Side Show Bob" shudder here.

So I know I've known this guy for ten some-odd years and we're all on a first name basis and everything, but I'm just not sure how he felt his comments were a) in any way appropriate and b) not creepy as shit.

Oddly enough, this is not the first event of it's kind. If I had a dollar for every man with an AARP card who made a creepy and/or innapropriate comment to me, I could finally make that trip to Europe. So what's this all about?

Perhaps these men are just trying to relive their youths in some feeble way, or maybe they just get a kick out of flirting with younger women. Conceivably, they are just plain dirty old bastards. Sorry, fellas...but it's gonna take a bit more than your senior citizen discount for Denny's Grand Slam breakfast and a tube of aspercreme to win me over. How about a time machine for starters?

In all reality, I'm not sincerely offended by any of these off-color gentlemen. Mostly I'm just baffled by their motivation and tastelessness. And I wonder what their wives would say if they were caught, for example, sniffing pretty young girls at the eye doctors office like a kindergartner sniffs glue.

Still, perhaps I should start keeping track. I'll put a dollar in a jar for every dirty old dude to cross my path and we'll see how soon I can get to Europe.

Grace In Small Things - Part 6

1. A lovely lunch at the Tea Grotto with a fabulous group of ladies! Good friends, amazing tea and hearty helpings of laughter.

2. Discovering the Doctor Who Magazine while perusing at Barnes And Noble. I'm so geeky, I bought it. It kinda made my day.

3. New episodes of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.

4. Finally getting the hang of the SR-201/I-80/I-15 interchanges. Makes getting downtown a snap.

5. This guy.

Grace In Small Things - Part 5

I am posting just this one thing today, because this takes up all 5 spots on the things that graced me today.

I know that Prop 8 passed over two months ago, but this is still an issue and it's one on which I have very strong convictions. I have found it difficult to put into words precisely how disgusted I am that Proposition 8 actually passed, but Keith Olbermann puts it brilliantly.

Quite frankly, I thought America was better than this. I thought we had moved passed this kind of discrimination. We just elected an African-American president for goodness sake! With all the hate and horribleness taking place in the world right now, shouldn't we be striving for peace and tolerance? America is supposed to be the greatest country in the world. What kind of example are we setting?

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Indeed.

If you're going to take the time to watch this, I ask only that you watch it all the way through and really LISTEN to what he is saying. I am open to all comments, but any containing hate or offensiveness will be deleted.

Grace In Small Things - Part 4

You know, I thought it was going to be a stretch to find time and things to write about once a week. Interestingly enough, however, I am finding myself graced with little things that make me happy each day. I think they've always been there, it's just now I'm actually taking the time to notice.

Today, for instance:

1. Having lunch and enjoying an afternoon with my sister. She's the neatest person I know.

2. Holding my little nephew. I love him so! And the top of his head smells good (seriously, go smell a baby's head...they smell amazing.)

3. Curry.

4. Connecting with an old friend and finding we have a pretty significant trait in common.

5. Nick giving me a Hershy's kiss, because he's sick and can't give me the real thing.

I can't wait to see what graces me tomorrow!

Grace In Small Things - Part 3

I'm feeling really blah these days. Just blah. And I'm not the only one. I think it's the whole January transitioning back to reality, dismal weather thing. It seems everyone is in the same gloomy boat. And if I had my way, we'd sail this melancholy ship out to the Caribbean somewhere and get drunk and play casino games and lounge on the deck.

If only that were possible.

But, I'm not going to let stupid January completely cloud me over. So in keeping with my objective (and because there is nothing else interesting to write about), here are five things that graced me today:

1. Wearing my new pink zip up hoodie (with sparkle embellishments).

2. My husband giving me a second, lingering glance as I left for work this morning (yes, I saw that!) and then, when I got home, remembering to tell me he thought I looked cute.

3. Sitting in my car during lunch and taking off my shoes. Bliss! I hate shoes.

4. Hearing a co-worker tell me that her husband thought I was "looking good" at the Christmas party and wondered what I had been doing to lose weight. God bless the man.

5. Hearing the new Morrissey single on the radio.

Grace In Small Things - Part 2

I think the phrase rhymes with "clucking bell".

It's just been that kind of day.

Well, week.

Actually the whole month has been rather craptastic. And we're only halfway in. Brilliant.

But let's not let all the wank cast a shadow on the good stuff, shall we?. Continuing with the Grace In Small Things challenge, here are a few things that graced me today:

1. A warm kitty sleeping on my chest, his head rested directly between my cleavage. Aw.

2. Rewatching episodes of Doctor Who (oh, yes!)

3. My brown and white polka-dotted head band.

4. My amazing, loving, thoughtful, kind, wonderful, hot, sexy husband.

5. Betty Crocker. Oh. My. Stars. This is my porn, people. (Note: This porn IS suitable for work! So go ahead...click your brains out.)

Grace In Small Things - Part 1

I came across this project just today and I absolutely love the idea.

"The world we live in is loud and harsh and bright and demanding, and it is easy to slide into a less than thoughtful survival mode in which we do what we have to do to make it through the day with the least amount of strife possible. This robs us of the time and energy to be mindful of ourselves and those we love and to recognize the grace that exists in small things."

Too true.

I think I'll join in the fun. Maybe not every day, perhaps weekly. At any rate, now more than ever we should be pausing to take stock and appreciate the small things that add up to make life...well, life.

So, part 1:

1. A warm, purring kitty curled up at my side.

2. A warm husband curled up at my other side.

3. Chocolate oreo cake. With an oreo on top.

4. Sour cream.

5. Slipping into the comfiest pair of pajamas after a long, hard day.

And Birds Will Come Sing On My Shoulder While I Wash Dishes

I spotted this dress at Downeast Basics a few weeks ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. It's so classic! The polka-dots, the bow, the scroll work along the bottom. And pockets! It has pockets! How incredibly charming!

I can just imagine myself wearing this little number to tea parties and brunches and ladies book clubs. Granted, I don't have any tea parties or brunches or ladies book clubs to wear it to, but maybe if I had a dress for such an occasion one might turn up.

Although really, I kind of just want to buy it so I can wear it with a pair of high heels and vacuum in it.

And then put an apron on over it and bake cupcakes.

This dress has domestic diva written all over it.

The Unlikely Stranger

I have been going through and archiving some old journal entries (it's nearly 2am, what else would I be doing?). I am having a lot of fun reading about this person I used to be nearly nine years ago. I've forgotten much of the events that had taken place and it's been quite enjoyable to reminisce.

Anyway, I came across this entry from 2003 that I had completely forgotten about. And oddly enough, I really needed to read this again as I have been having some very bad days indeed.

I would like to share it with all of you. I don't know whatever happened to this man, but he certainly made an impact on me. So whoever you are, if you're out there, thank you.

Without further ado...

The Unlikely Stranger

I had so far been having a terrible morning today and was feeling very stressed and angry. I was all alone and busy as hell. The phone never stopped ringing and customer after customer kept walking in. And then a man stopped in to inquire about an eyeglass accessory (which we no longer carried). He was an elderly gentleman, rather on the plump side and he wore the strangest hat. It was like a baseball cap, but square and it was colored an array of splattered and mixed up colors. Although I could plainly see he was quite old, he had a youngness in his face and his tone was quite warm when he spoke. His presence was instantly calming.

I apologized to him for not having the item he was looking for, as he told me he had driven all the way from downtown. He then replied by saying he didn't think I was sorry at all.

"Excuse me", I said.

"Well, if you were really sorry you'd look like this" and he proceeded to stick his bottom lip out in the pouty way a toddler does and to wrinkle his forehead in a worrisome fashion. I giggled, and mimicked his face as best I could and apologized again.

"Much better", he said and smiled at me most kindly and with a twinkle in his eyes. He proceeded to tell me a few other jokes, and told me that when he was young he was one of the comic writers for Red Skelton.

We chatted a bit more about his Red Skelton days, and then he paused and asked,
"Are you a serious person?"

"Well", I replied, "Sometimes....I guess....I haven't really thought about it."

"I want you to listen carefully", he told me, "this is important. And I want you to remember this, because you may never see me again. Don't ever be serious. Laugh because you're lovely when you laugh. And the world laughs with you."

I didn't really have a response to that. Because the truth of the matter is that I am too serious. I let stupid people get to me and I get upset about trivial things like traffic and such. In fact, 30 seconds before he walked in the door I was in a huff about my chaotic day. I stopped, and pondered on this for a moment. Since the man had walked in, he had cheered me up considerably with his jovial nature.

"I will remember that", I told the man. And I meant it. "Thank you". Something told me this was no chance encounter with just another stranger today.

(He added that the only place it was okay to be serious was in the bathroom.)

The man then told me lean close to him, and I did, thinking he wanted to whisper something perhaps. The then took his finger and stroked it across my cheek. Normally I'd be put off by a customer wanting to touch me, especially on my face, but this didn't bother me today. Not with this man. He then took his finger and tasted it in his mouth. "Yup", he said with a grin, "you're sweet".

At this I just had to laugh. I had never had anyone "taste" me before, let alone anyone elderly. He was just so endearing and adorable I had to laugh. And he laughed with me.

He then said he would be going on his way. He said he didn't know if he'd be seeing me again, but told me I should take care of myself. I told him to do the same and to please stop in again if he was ever in the neighborhood. He said he would. I wondered why he kept saying he may not see me again. Was it just that he didn't get up here much? Or was he trying to tell me he was not expecting to live much longer? I didn't know, and I didn't ask....I really don't know how to ask something like that politely. But what he said really touched me, and the manner of kindness he showed me...a perfect stranger...warmed my heart considerably.

As he walked out the door, I waved to him and realized that I never asked him his name. I wouldn't know it until later on that day, but he left a profound mark on me. I found myself letting crude and unpolished comments from customers roll of my back for the rest of the day. On lunch I was stuck in a traffic jam that would normally have me tightening my grip on the steering wheel, tensing all my muscles and swearing like a trucker, but I kept thinking back to what the man had told me and just sang louder to the music in my car. It turned out to be a good day after all.

You Know What, Enough Already!

(image courtesy of nataliedee.com)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, friends!

I had planned to write all about Christmas and New Years like I have done in the past, recapping all the happenings. But I'm just going to say that they were simple and uneventful,
but also nice. And they were.

But I am glad they are over. What with the health issues experienced by both myself and my husband these past several months, the holidays were a bit tricky this year. The hustle and bustle this season brings added some challenges, but we were still able to enjoy some good times spent with family and friends.
Which is the important bit, really.

So here's to a new year full of new possibilities and opportunities. I trust that, if nothing else, 2009 will be an interesting year indeed.